Well If you follow me. Which most do not. You have read the comment that my little sister wrote in response to that post. I could write a whole blog about how she was really my first "baby.' But that is for another time. Maybe never as I seem to think that she does not want to or try to remember that at one time I was a good person.
I found a picture from my wedding in August of 2007. My Mom was putting her arms around me.
I cannot tell you how many times I have cried, wanting to feel her arms envelope me and tell me that everything was going to be ok.
And of course it would. My Mom was super hero. She fought every fight. And I let her down in so many ways. She fought for me and I repaid her by becoming addicted to prescription pain killers.
She was my mother. Fought tooth and nail for me and I still fucked her over.
I was a "blue" baby when I was born. 6 weeks early and deprives oxygen when I was born. and sometimes I think I would have saved my family a lot of heartache if I had just past on .
And yet I didn't. And I have been told that my time here ( on earth) is not done. That I have not completed what I have been put here to do. And Yet I wonder. Am I put here on earth just to cause my loved ones misery? And if so? Why would I want that path?
I have to believe that I am here for something bigger and maybe when I am worthy , I can feel my Mom's arm around me again and if I am lucky, I will hear that she loves me regardless of my fuck ups.
No comments:
Post a Comment