Did I finally find the light at the end of the tunnel?

So I am sure that most of you know that I went through a prescription pill addiction.
It started in November of 2010 when I fell 10 feet off a roof onto a deck.
 I wounded breaking my back, my pelvis and dislocated my left elbow.
I can honestly tell you that breaking your pelvis is the possibly the worst pain you will ever go through.
There is nothing you can do for a broken pelvis. Your pelvis is pretty much the anchor of your skeleton. The only thing that you can do is be on bed rest for at least six weeks and of course take your oxytocin every four hours.
Needless to say I got addicted to pain pills for the next two years. I would go to different doctors and complain of different pains to get my scripts.
In all honestly during that time I reasoned out that I was not addicted. I was not a drug addict. Drug addicts went to the street, sold whatever they could to get their "high". I was okay because I had scripts from legitimate doctors.
That meant that I needed them right? I was an addict..... There was a health concern and doctors decided that I needed these pain scripts.



I was so so so wrong. I was an addict. I was taking at east 30 pills a day just to get through. When I would come down from the "high" I would see things that no-one else would. Bugs, spiders.
It was awful.
And I lost so much. My daughter was taken from me ( although that is a different story with a lot of lies coming from the other side) ..I lost my job. My family had had enough of me. I lied, I said things that I don't even remember because I was so chemical influenced.
From 2011 through 2012 my life was hell. I was at the bottom of a very deep hole with no way of how to get myself out.
But slowly and surely I did with the help of my wonderful husband, Chris. I was once told that I was unlovable but now I know that I am loveable. Chris has been the only one that has stood by me through thick and thin. He has never turned his back or walked away from me. To me that is true love.
I still have battles to face. My parents took a restraining order out against me in January because of a Christmas incident. I texted my Father a few time and that was of course a violation of the restraining order and then I walked into the place that my sister worked. She lied on the police report on what took place but I was in violation for walking into her place of work. To my defense, I had no idea that she took a one year restraining order out on me. And she really had no need to do so. I really don't want to have to deal with her ever again. But that is beside the point.
I am in counseling and I am learning that just because I had an addiction does not mean that other people have the right to treat like shit.
I will never be able to say I am sorry enough to undo the hurt that I caused but I also cannot keep myself frozen in time. I need to make steps to make my future a positive one. My on regret is my daughter. She has a lot of people telling her how horrible I am and how I do not deserve to be her mother.
That might have been true while I was under the influence of drugs. But I never stopped loving her. And I never will.
In counseling I have learn that your past does not dictate your future, and I am working hard to make sure that is true.
I just got a job and I am starting school in September. I am slowly figuring out that I am a person who is worth respect. I deserve to be treated well and I need to learn to not always to play the victim.
I know I still have a long road ahead of me, but I have gotten this far and there is NO WAY that I am going to give up now.
I will say that I miss my daughter. There is not a night that goes by that I do not cry for her and I hope someday that we reconnect.
Let me leave you with this: Everything you do is a choice. You are not perfect, so don't think that you will always make the "right" choice. My advice to you? Make the choice that is best for you. Do not make a choice based on what other people tell you. You know that little voice in your head? Listen. He/She is usually right! " To my daughter: I love you to the Moon and back and forever and beyond.